PHOENIX - In a 12 News exclusive, a mistress tells all. It's a dark subject, one that can destroy relationships.

For many, the deception and deceit becomes an addiction, one they feel they can’t escape.

The woman 12 News spoke with is revealing secrets about how a woman becomes a mistress, the emotional toll and how the affair eventually ended. She’s sharing her story with all of us under one condition: She remains anonymous.

“My partner was stuck,” she said. “But he would never say that there was somebody else.”

Inside the mind of a mistress…

“I think when people cheat, their needs are not being taken care of,” she said.

So, to meet his needs and hers, what was once just a friendship turned into much more, a life full of secrets and lies.

“He was good at juggling it," she said.

They continued sneaking around, while trying to justify it.

“He was trying to get out of his relationship,” she said.

He had been married a year and a half. His wife traveled a lot for work.

This mistress said that made it easy to continue the affair, but she said she still felt the guilt and shame.

“Knowing that’s somebody else’s – this is someone’s husband,” she said. 

For some mistresses, hooking up with a married man is all about the game, the thrill and excitement.

“When you fall for someone,” she said. “You don’t think about like, ‘What’s the consequences of falling for this person?’ You’re just in the excitement phase, that lust and the whole excitement of dating someone.”

But for this mistress, that eventually wasn’t the life she wanted.

“There’s an illusion to it, just being that second person in line, rather than the first,” she said. “I was stuck.”

At one point, she gave him an ultimatum.

“I need to know if you’re wanting this,” she said.

The truth eventually came out. His wife found out after reading an email.

“Him saying, ‘I love you,’ to me, she emailed me, saying who are you and all. It was a nasty, nasty,” she said. 

The married man ended his marriage for his lover.

“We’re now married and we’re happy and you know it’s constant work,” she said.

The mistress has apologized to the ex-wife, but there is always resentment and hate. Two things mental health experts say are common.

“Both sides have a lot of painful components of the experience,” said Kelly O’Horo, founder of Infinite Healing and Wellness, a collaborative mental health practice.

“While there might be excitement and vigor and newness at the onset, it’s usually followed by – not an outcome that typically the mistress in general wants,” said O’Horo.

Years later now, the anonymous mistress we talked with believes her now-husband knows better.

“Like know how to like handle relationships,” she said. “If I’m unhappy, I need to figure it out and talk to somebody, not go out that way.”

And she has advice for others:

“Just don’t do it… don’t do it,” she said.

There are counselors out there to help mistresses get on the right track, to try to recover from the world of cheating and lies.

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