Falling back in love with your spouse


by Kim Jacobs


Posted on February 29, 2012 at 6:00 AM

Updated Tuesday, Feb 28 at 9:45 AM


Do you suspect that your spouse has lost interest in you over the course of your relationship? Well, you are not alone. Many marriages struggle with maintaining a loving relationship. Most of the times couples go through life experiencing new things that affect how they view their relationship with their spouse. These experiences can happen at work or at other social outlets that usually don’t include their spouse. The problem is that couples don’t always communicate with each other about these life changing events, which puts distance between them and makes their relationship appear dull and uneventful. The constant bickering doesn’t seem to get you anywhere, except closer to separation. So, what can you do when you feel like the hope is lost for your marriage? Below are tips that will help you and your spouse get that back in love feeling back and the opportunity to genuinely love each other for the rest of your lives:

#1.  Discuss with your spouse his most important unmet needs and your most important unmet needs and commit to meeting those needs right away.  Men and women have very different needs – things they can’t do without in a relationship.  If you want your spouse to love you more, go over and beyond to meet his most important needs.
For example: 
• The female spouse may say that she doesn’t feel loved if her spouse is not hugging her, texting and calling her throughout the day, buying her flowers, and holding her hand out in the public.  I recommend that the husband starts working towards do these things as often as he can to show that he does love his wife.
• The male spouse may say that he doesn’t feel loved if his spouse won’t have sex with him as often as he would like it. He may also want his wife to participate in recreational activities that are fun for him. I recommend that the wife exceeds her husband’s expectations in these areas by giving him all the sex he needs and hanging out with him as much as she can doing his type of fun activities. 
If you want your spouse to love you more, love your spouse more by meeting his/her most important needs and do it with joy.

#2. Develop a Daily Ritual.  Find something that you and your spouse can consistently do together to connect intellectually and emotionally with each other on a daily basis. 
For example:
• Grab a cup of coffee together each morning and discuss your plans for the week.
• Go on dates
• Exercise together
• Eat together
• Do Playful things together (Dave and Busters, Go Carts, Bowling). When you learn to play together and have fun together it is easier to stay together.

#3 Touch and flirt often. 
• Do everything you can to look sexy for your spouse - even when you are just at home, dress well. That doesn’t mean you have to dress up, but attempt wear things that give you an extra sexy look when you know your spouse is going to be around. If you look good in short shorts tiny tank tops, wear them around your spouse! And even when you are fully dressed, you can still be sexy. Show a bit of cleavage, or put your hair up – just have a slightly different look each time.
• Set the mood - light candles and play sexy music. Also, prepare yourself too. Make sure you get a quick nap so that you don’t look too tired for your night time activity with your spouse.
• Flirt with him on text throughout the day and let him know what he can expect later.
• Give him a really nice head massage while he is working on the computer. Help him feel relaxed.
• Touch and caress him while you are in the car or discreetly when you are in the public. This will get your hubby all excited and I bet you he will be in a mad rush to get home sooner to follow up on all the extra caressing. Touching can add so much excitement to your relationship.
• Have an intellectually stimulating conversation with your spouse about a topic that he is interested in discussing. Have some views to share with him about the topic. This lets him know you are interested in what interest him.

#4.  Present your best self to your spouse. 
• Keep conversations brief when he’s tired—so he isn’t “flooded” by too many words.
• Make home a peaceful place – his refuge.
• Buy a sexy negligee just for his eyes only.
• Make the first move. Don’t always wait for him to initiate sex.
• Make yourself up. Men like it. If you don't want to look "made up" every day, just use a little bit of makeup will do to show him you are making an effort to look your best for him.
• Be clean and neat. Bathe often. Keep your hair clean and fresh smelling. Wear clothes that look nice on you and fit you well.
• Get it shape. If you need to slim down and tone up start working on it immediately. Set a workout routine that will work for you.

#5. Avoid criticism in your conversations.  When you are talking with your spouse be careful not to criticize him/her.
• Instead of saying “You never open the car door for me” say “I really like it when you open the door for me.” 

• Instead of saying “You never spend time with me anymore” say “Let’s go to dinner and a movie this week”

• Instead of saying “You need to stop being on the computer all day” say “I would appreciate more one-on-one time in our relationship.”

#6. Surprise your spouse.
 For men:
• Stuff a love note in her purse or on the driver’s seat of the car.
•  REENACT YOUR FIRST DATE. Tell your wife that you're taking her out. Tell her that you think it would be fun to do everything just like you did on your first date then try to reenact it! The only difference this time is that you won't have to take her home to her father, you can bring her home with you!
• Buy her a small, unexpected gift each week.
• Have some flowers delivered to her (ALL WHITE ROSES AND 1 RED ROSE) on no special occasion just as a thank you for all she does. Let her know that you chose 1 Red rose, because she stands out in a bunch.
• Write her a poem or a love letter. She will treasure it forever.
• Buy her an outfit and ask her to wear it on a date that you have pre-planned.
• Compliment her in front of friends and family.  Talk about how wonderful she is and how blessed you are to have her as your wife.
For Women:
• Text him a love message on his cell. Make sure it's sweet but spicy!
• Purchase tickets to his favorite sporting event. You can also take him to a local sports bar to watch a game if you can’t afford the actual tickets to the event.
• Make his favorite meal for no special occasion.
• Give him a massage. Go buy some sweet smelling oils and turn your bedroom into a spa! Give your husband a full body massage and a foot massage to work out those aching muscles. Of course, you shouldn’t go to sleep right away after this.
• Buy him that special TOY he has been dying to have.  Make the sacrifice and put some of your own purchases on hold to surprise him with his special dream toy.