Reality Roundup

03:27 PM EST on Wednesday, March 3, 2004

By BRIAN MORAN / Special to WCNC.com

NBC Larissa and Brian on the season finale of Average Joe Hawaii.

After eight years of watching reality television, there aren’t too many things that surprise me. Last night’s season finale of Average Joe left me gasping for air.

Not only did Larissa pass up my favorite Brian, who I thought was a shoo-in to win, the twist the show has been promoting for weeks was actually a twist.

I figured Larissa’s “secret” would be she is divorced or maybe she is a millionaire.

“My ex-boyfriend is very well known,” Larissa tells Gil as they walk down the beach. “It’s Fabio.”

Say what? Fabio? Cheesy personified. The guy who’s name is Italian for Fonzie. She fell for Fabio? At this point, I don’t know what I’m feeling.

Gil takes it pretty hard. He can’t really explain why he is so mad but he’s angry and playing in the waves for some reason. He wants nothing to do with Larissa and I am in a great mood all of a sudden.

“Now I know how Brian Worth felt” she reflects. They show a perfect flashback to Brian, “I will always be there for you.”

Wow, what an ending, a twist that was actually a twist. I don’t see why this show was buried in the 10:00 spot because it delivered from start to finish.

Let’s start with the beginning of the show. It opens with a recap that makes me even more impassioned about Brian getting picked. All the good looking guys are portrayed as jerks and each time a Joe gets the boot, you can see the exact moment their heart breaks.

First, we start in Gil’s home town of Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. She says something about having reservations about a long distance relationship. Gil, who is a construction worker, counters with a quick lesson about spackling the building he is working on. Then they take a boat ride to the museum they are staying at. She gives him a medallion. I immediately get jealous, “Brian better get something”, I think. They hug and Larissa forces out an “I’m happy”. “It makes me happy knowing you're happy,” Gil replies. That’s pretty touching stuff. Nicholas Sparks is probably worried.

When Larissa asks what he hopes to get out of this, out of nowhere comes, “to be an actor.” What? This guy can’t say two words without sounding ridiculous. “What’s your biggest fear?” He can’t come up with anything and I am really starting to believe. This can’t be editing right? Brian is going to win! Is this real? At the first break, Brian is a shoo-in.

She goes to a real town – Boston. Brian starts talking about people of substance, not flash, secretly playing himself up. On a boat ride to Boston Harbor, Brian catches two lobsters and starts mocking other guys by naming them Jimmy and Gil, the last two hunks. They can shave each others chest he jokes. When he lets them go, he’s worried about them, “I hope there’s protein powder down there for them.”

He tells Larissa they are going to the most beautiful museum in Boston. It turns out to be Fenway Park…smooth. Out of the dugout comes Tim Wakefield, Brian’s favorite player and he’s pumped. He starts pouring his heart out in front of Tim. “I know I am not as good looking on your arm as Gil, but I’ll always be there for ya.” Larissa seems impressed. She gives him a kiss I felt to be a little restrained. If Brian doesn’t win, I am driving to Ft. Lauderdale and picking a fight.

We cut to a fancy dinner, Brian says all the right things; they kiss and it is a little less restrained. She genuinely seems happy. She admits she didn’t hold back on this kiss. Brian infers that he wants to say I love you but is going to wait for a private moment. Larissa is crying. She is actually starting to grow on me. I am buying a gun prior to my trip to Ft. Lauderdale if things don’t go well.

We cut to the airplane where Larissa is waiting to take somebody to Cabo and send Gill home on the bus. Gil is first. Yeah! By the rules of Bachelor, that means he’s gone.

“Gil you intrigue me but…” Larissa starts

“You're a dud with nothing but looks. Go Home.” I add.

“I am worried that you are not ready to take it to the next level, there is only one thing I can do, trust my instinct.” Uh-oh, not good. Weird upbeat music starts playing. She’s not going to, please no!!! “And my instinct tells me that you are the one for me.” GRRRRR. I knew I couldn’t stand her since the beginning.

Thanks for trusting your instincts and your libido Larissa. Gil spouts out some more gibberish about a connection. Now the hard part comes. I can’t even watch. Flash to Brian in the limo. He reiterates his love for her. My blood is curdling. I jump on usairways.com and I can fly to Ft Lauderdale for 179$ next weekend. No motive, no witnesses.

Larissa’s face says it all and Brian knows it. He smiles to play along as she talks about being moved. “But you deserve a woman who can say I love you too.” He looks shattered. She then lays the killer blows. “We have built the foundation of a great friendship. You are the most interesting person I have ever met. I am going to miss you Brian.” Just say it; he’s not good looking enough.

Brian Moran is a freelance writer for WCNC.com. Click here to send him an email