11:23 AM EDT on Tuesday, September 6, 2005

By BRIAN MORAN / Special to WCNC.com

With the state of reality clinging to life awaiting a pair of Apprentice’s ahead holding a respirator; ‘Laguna Beach’ is the one show that delivers every week. Since, I’m a late bloomer to the flair of Laguna; I’ve had the privilege of watching both seasons at the same time. To my surprise, it turns out I’m not the only 30-year-old who loves the show. After mentioning that I purchased the first season of Laguna Beach in my last column, instead of being mocked by my friends, I’ve actually received some requests to borrow it.

As it were, the message boards surrounding the show are right on. The second season is no match for the first. But in the grand scheme of things, when is it ever? With Godfather II as the exception, the original is always the real deal in the face of its successors.

With respect to Laguna, here’s why it pales in comparison: The original characters were a bit more stable and a lot less annoying. The two reasons why season one is so entertaining: Steven and LC. They provide a quiet balance to a relatively unbalanced camp.

Stephen is somewhat unassuming, down to earth and completely overmatched by Kristin. He doesn’t have the ability to embrace drama with both hands and ride it with vigor. He’s also insecure to the point that every time she doesn’t hang on him, he gets jealous.

Kristin on the other hand is completely emotionless. She’s practical to a degree that borders on irredeemably evil. When they pondered whether or not to break up with Stephen going off to college, how self-apparent the situation was to Kristin was something I never saw from girls of my era. They all thought they could “make it work.” Then by Columbus Day, one of them had hooked up and the other was home waiting for a late night phone call. Thanksgiving would be death.

LC, at the core, is cool. She has an effortless about her. My wife can’t stand her but I think it’s because she can’t relate to getting rejected, especially at that age. I, however, am a connoisseur of having your beating heart ripped from your body and passed around the women’s locker-room. Even when she shows any signs of emotion, it’s always restrained. You can feel her getting embarrassed when her friends squeal and cheese. When Lo or the others go overboard with, “OOOOOOH MY GOOOOOOD, THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH,” you can see it grating on her.

The passing of the torch to her polar opposite has been a compelling change. Kristin goes looking for drama. At times, she seems sweet but is capable of coming across as satanic. It’s almost like the producers are feeding her the exact worst thing to say.

As the season progresses, the gap is closing between the first. The entertaining moments have mounted together to make a worthy charge.

The scene now known only as “The kicking of the rocks” trumps anything in either installment. I said it then and I stand behind it now, if it wasn’t for Ashley Vanilli’s ho-down, it’s the best thing on TV since Trump’s COO swallowed his own tongue.

Kristin milking the text message from her college boyfriend Matt was also a classic.

(Rumor has it, USC quarterback Matt Leinart was the mysterious romantic. It’s probably wishful thinking but not totally unreasonable.) LC finding out that Stephen pulled a Puck and sported two Valentine’s was also noteworthy.

The best and worst sub-plot between the first and second season is Jessica, her whining and her weight. In season one, she played a small role and dated a love struck whipping boy named Dieter who I’m almost certain waxed his eyebrows. This season, she’s trimmed down and is dating the school stud who isn’t quite as taken as Dieter.

I’m sure their relationship could be a little more bizarre but I don’t see how. All they do is fight. She does nothing but cast a heinous scowl 24-7. He gives her next to nothing yet they struggled to part ways. Their relationship hit the peak of its weirdness when Alex, whom is described as “kinky”, asked Jason to the formal. It smelled like staging for production value but who cares, it made great TV. And Jessica’s fill-in date bearing a striking resemblance to Krusty the Clown with a full head of hair was golden.

All-in-all, maybe it’s the total lack of any real reality out there, but I’m still sold. Nothing gets me more pumped than the piano music framing the scenes from next week.

If you haven’t given it a chance, please do. These kids turn the most trivial problems into epic disasters. They don’t have the slightest inkling as to what surrounds them. If they just took Ferris’s advice and stopped and looked around once in a while, they’d realize that they’re lives were perfect in every way imaginable.

But I guess if they did that, it wouldn’t be a very good show.