07:52 AM EDT on Friday, October 8, 2004

By BRIAN MORAN / Special to WCNC.com

The Apprentice came to play on Thursday night from the old stomping ground of yours truly while sending another big time player to the discount rack. We had déjà vu all over again by being treated to Raj (Orville) in his boxers only this time, it included light jogging. And in the end, it came down to a showdown between the men and the women that was decided by a measly ten bucks or apparently one third the cost of a good package of sponges.

This week’s mission was not only great but a bit personal to me. The task was to select a product and price it accordingly to sell on the Shopping Network: QVC. The kiddies jump on the school bus for a field trip to West Chester, PA, the town I grew up in and yes, I’m pumped. I’m thinking this is even better than watching the Real Word: Philadelphia. I still haven’t forgiven QVC for not hiring me in college but I’ll suck it up for the love of reality. (I’d probably be a millionaire right now.)

As they approach QVC headquarters, I keep an eye out for the “Home of Brian Moran” signs, none to be found. En route, Pamela goes on a rant that was rich with f-bombs and insults after which Maria proclaims that she’s great at public speaking which surprises me. In my opinion, Maria’s a little creepy. Not as creepy as the commercial where the guy wakes up in bed next to the mute Burger King, but creepy all the same. (Seriously, is that commercial not the scariest thing you’ve ever seen in your life or what? It surely has never enticed me to crave a Whopper.)

NBC

Pamela became exasperated with Stacy R's focus on all of the legal details.

Maria does not perform well in the trial runs to sell sponges for $30 and she is immediately pulled. Pamela called her gregarious, I call her creepy.

The guys decide to compete head to head with George Foreman and sell indoor grills. They set an 800 grill quota and fall just short with 252 units at $71. The girls sell 695 sponges for $27. I tried to do the math in my head during the commercial break and I think I may have passed out for a while. When I came to, Di and a seemingly slimmer George reports that the guys edged out the girls $17,955 to $17,944. Ouch.

The guys earn a doubles tennis match at Arthur Ashe Stadium in Flushing, New York against the beautiful, personable, and incomparable John McEnroe. Oh yeah, they also let some Russian chick named Anna Kournikova tag along as well.

So to recap the risk-reward assessment of the reality lineup on this Thursday night: The Apprentice’s task was to select and price a product to sell on QVC with one of the most attractive people alive waiting in the wings while on Survivor, they played a game of Memory to slice coconuts with a local in a loin cloth named Dah.

NBC

The guys watch as Anna serves it up.

As you probably guessed, Raj kicks it into high gear and starts throwing his game at young Anna while she tries to serve. And I may have been imagining things but it didn’t look like he was being totally rejected. She was rejecting him, sure, but it seemed like she found his advancements amusing at least and almost seemed to be fueling them for a time. When he ran dry of compliments, he fired out some obscure Russian coffee brand to impress her. If this guy wasn’t such a republican, I’d swear he was a communist. He knows everything about Russia from former premier’s footwear to their rare breakfast beverages.

She has a brainstorm and gets really excited. I get excited as well when I here the idea: “How about a dare?” Heck yeah, are you kidding? If Anna Kournikova wants to play Truth or Dare, there’s no hemming and hawing believe me. He pounces. McEnroe realizes nobody could care less what he’s up to so he hits the bleachers. The dare is this: Anna serves five balls to Raj, if he can return one of them, Anna has to go on a date with Raj and if not, Raj has to oblige Anna on her wishes.

Please, Raj, stay on your toes, turn your hips and follow through. I lose all confidence on her first effort when Raj complained that she was putting a spin on the ball which he felt was unfair. He likened the spin to a “tricky democrat”. It becomes obvious that we’re not going to witness Raj and Anna sipping obscure Russian coffee by candlelight so we get the next best thing: Raj doing a lap around the stadium in his underwear. And yes, you’re not mistaken, this is the second week in a row we see Raj sans outerwear only this time there’s no bed head or eye boogies.

Besides the Bradford shocker, this boardroom was probably one of the more difficult to predict. Sane Stacy has not done anything wrong but she hasn’t done anything special either. And Maria is well, Maria. She’s not like waking up next to a giant burger franchise mascot but she’s still Maria. Pamela is probably the most abrasive human being I’ve ever seen but she does have conviction and a good head on her shoulders. She is the only woman on the show who I could see in the top four. Well, as we’ve seen all along, what I think isn’t worth a decent package of sponges.

As Pamela clamors for another chance to speak, the Donald cuts her off, “You’re fired.”