02:39 PM EDT on Friday, October 15, 2004

By BRIAN MORAN / Special to WCNC.com

I tried to get out of the way as The Apprentice steamrolled through with vigor but it was too late. I was sucked in under the wheels of another great episode where oddly enough, the weakest part was the boardroom.

This episode’s task showed one of the many disparities between itself and the rest of the reality world: They cast no gay men. If they could’ve snatched a couple of guys from the Real World: Philly they would have been even money. But as it were, the guys were so straight and hapless that we saw something I never dreamed possible, Carolyn laughing to the point of actual tears. The volcano erupting on Survivor was insurmountable but Carolyn’s hysterics gave in a run for its money.

The girls had lost four straight tasks including the devastating ten dollar defeat last week so NBC threw them a bone: Conceive and market designer women’s clothes. You may as well ask the guys to give each other a makeover and French braid each others hair. Put it this way, if Bill Rancic had been asked to head up this mission last year, Kwame never would’ve been seduced by KFC.

I get a little giddy when it comes to picking a designer. Historically, there’s nothing more entertaining than an artistic presence taking themselves way too seriously by trying to speak on a deeper level than what they perceive as lay people. Nothing gives me greater comfort in this world than reminiscing about the artist from season one who embedded toenails in his paintings. Good Stuff.

NBC

Ilsa struggles to buy all of the fabric for their clothing.

The guys settle on a rather intimidating looking German woman named Ilsa. All-in-all I think the boys should have gone with the pioneer who implored the radical notion that color had something to do with visual beauty. Elsa seems put-off early when Raj suggests a line that places less emphasis on the actual clothing and instead accentuates the female body. John fails to win her back by pitching a back pack motif.

Semi-creepy Maria confidently brags that she minored in Home Economics and her mother was a professor of Home Economics. I was unaware they offered that in college. But of course, in college I was unaware of a lot of things. Isn’t that where you bake cakes and make spaghetti?

Her confidence proves founded as the girls team up with a more standard designer and the synergy is immediate. In 45 minutes, they secure the design of the entire line while Maria devours a hot dog with a seven inch radius.

The guy’s relationship with Ilsa doesn’t improve during the fabric selection process but it does tickle Carolyn’s funny bone. You’d think this would be a dandy time to defer all choices to Ilsa but apparently Raj decided his two cents are free. His first choice could be described as a hair less sophisticated than clown pants. It’s a strong pink with purple polka dots kicking off a strong giggle in Carolyn. He returns unfettered with a crisp bright pink material as Carolyn progresses to full blown belly laugh. Showing no resolve, his final effort appeared to be some sort of a tablecloth pattern which slams Carolyn into a de-capacitating laugh. The stream of tears looked like she had just watched the end of Beaches.

NBC

When the men arrived at Parsons School of Design, they felt it necessary to meet with the models.

As the girls are picking their fabrics, Elizabeth has that moment of clarity where an individual comes to the realization that everyone on the show hates them. It happens on every reality show and it never gets old to me. They call loved ones crying and a few days later their in the confessional claiming, “I’m not here to make friends.”

Things stay comical when the models are brought in to size up the clothing. We’re now joining the Raj show already in progress. He starts in on them immediately and they didn’t find it as cute as Anna did last week. He not only dropped some impromptu German on them, but countered with an Austin Powers imitation. Ilsa’s not amused.

Meanwhile, young Andy turns into Paul Pfeiffer trying to smooth Carla Healy. He can’t offer a single word and he’s giggling uncontrollably.

It goes without saying that the girls dominated in the end. The gals get an invite to a so-called celebrity event although I had a hard time identifying any celebrities. I thought I saw Lil Kim but it was hard to be sure since she didn’t have the seashell sticker over her nipple.

NBC

John -- the Project Manager -- had no involvement in the pricing of the clothing line and ended up getting fired.

The episode was excellent but the boardroom was the most disappointing thing I’ve experienced since an elderly woman in a hairnet looked me dead in the eyes and said without the slightest ounce of compassion or empathy these hateful and hurtful words: “We don’t carry Supersize anymore.”

They had promised that crotchety George would get into the act and take out a bad day on the gang but he seemed no more disgruntled than usual. If anything, I’d say he was chipper. And the editing was atrocious. This is an area where CBS clearly has the upper hand on NBC. The producers at Amazing Race would have this thing seamless. The Donald talked for over thirty seconds without them ever showing his face and his voice sounded like it was coming to us through a long tunnel.

In the end, John’s many mistakes outweighed Kevin’s one mistake and Andy’s youth. John was sent home. I predicted Andy would take this thing week one and to some degree I still believe that. Kelly emerged as a force this week and plunged himself into the lead. As much as I hate to say it, Raj got exposed tonight and his days are numbered. I’m going to miss you buddy.