What exactly am I meant to speak about? The constant pain guilt and regret I have lived with for letting depression take me over to the point of feeling it best for Zahra to live with her father as I was in no fit state to keep her safe?

Maybe I should discuss the way the heinous act has stolen away the opportunity for Zahra to ever meet her two other siblings, finish college, fall in love and maybe the innocence that's stolen from my other children.

Possibly it needs to be about how the event has traumatized my family to the point of ripping it apart because none of us know how we are meant to deal with such unimaginable things happening to such a beautiful young lady.

Maybe to drill home the pure evil that Elisa has committed I should reach down and find the strength to discuss how Zahra was pulled apart like some human puzzle and discarded like rubbish for wildlife to graze on.

I choose to read something I wrote on October 30, 2010: I still wonder if Zahra is finally at peace and if she knows that she was is and will always be loved by those of us who were for many reasons not in her immediate life.

Looking out at the pouring rain over the hills, feeling and hearing the rumble of thunder I wonder is she cold or is she wet or is she somewhere that she will only feel the warmth of the sun? Is she damp or is she never (pause). Is she damp or will she only feel the wet as she swims through the warm waters of her dreams? Is she tired or will she never feel the need to rest after a long day? Is she feeling hunger pain or will she forever feel satisfied? Is she scared and alone or will she never feel for security comfort and companionship? All these things I have only ever wanted to protect her from, but was not able. My only hope now is that she is in a place where she will no longer feel the pain for mortality. When she can rest and no longer have the need to be so courageous. I hope she is in a place where she can feel my love and the immense love she has drawn out from people all across our planet.

While today we sit here in this courtroom to see justice be carried out, I feel there will be no real justice for Zahra. Her life was taken by an evil selfishness that none of us will ever understand or comprehend.

While part of Zahra is still out there, this will never be over for us. What I truly want to see is for Zahra to be given the dignity and respect she deserves by finally being able to lay her to rest, let her be in peace in a manner that she truly does deserve.

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